They are very different. Let’s clarify the distinction.
Attachment is a form of clinging and grasping in relationships, driven by the fear of loss and the desire for personal happiness. It's characterized by holding onto others tightly, which ultimately leads to suffering. Attachment is based on the idea of fulfilling oneself through another person, which is an unrealistic expectation. It is also a very common way of being for many of us, particularly if we have a history of abandonment, lack of nurturing as a child, or other similar trauma.
In contrast, genuine love is portrayed as a selfless wish for the happiness of the other person, regardless of the circumstances.
It's about nurturing and holding gently, allowing freedom and not grasping tightly. Genuine love arises from a place of personal fulfillment, where each person comes into the relationship feeling complete within themselves. This allows them to appreciate the other for who they are, rather than what they can provide.
Sometimes in our romantic relationships, we overlay our ideals and fantasies onto our partners. This often leads to disappointment when the reality of the other person's ordinary, imperfect nature comes to light. A healthy relationship includes genuine liking, appreciation, loving kindness and compassion towards the other. Without these elements, relationships can be challenging.
It’s clear that real love takes wisdom and maturity. A marriage therapist once told me that when it comes to real love we should need a learners permit for many years before we get to have a committed relationship with another person.
My own experience resonates, and I’m still learning. Fears run deep and lead to clinging responses when triggered. What I’ve discovered is that my own growth, self-love, and transformation is the place to focus if I want to truly be there for another.
Mindful awareness, intention, and daily practices can build these elements into our relationships.
If you’d like to explore this further, schedule a Couples Yoga Therapy session with me and I"ll support you and your parnter in a mindful exploration of your genuine love by engaging body and mind along with guided presencing and dialog processes
You might also like to join us online for Valentines Date Night on Feb 14th each year for a very fun and easy exploation of the same concepts in a group setting. Or get the recording if you can't attend live.
Happy Valentines!!
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